Welcome, Shiva Guide.

Becoming a Shiva Guide is a way to make a tangible difference for someone who has experienced the death of a loved one. 

Sample Messaging for Shiva Guides

  • Subject: Hello, I’m Your Shiva Circle Volunteer Guide 

    Dear [Mourner's Name],

    I hope this message reaches you with comfort, though I know this is a difficult time for you and your family. My name is [Your Full Name], and I’m a volunteer with Shiva Circle and I am honored to help coordinate the shiva for [Deceased’s Name].

    As your Shiva Guide, I’m here to help you: 

    • Prioritize your needs during shiva 

    • Identify people who can help and show up during shiva 

    • Use the Shiva Circle website and resources 

    As a next step, I’d like to find time for us to connect by [PHONE or VIDEO CALL or IN-PERSON]. We’ll spend approximately 15-20 minutes discussing the key shiva details and identifying which of your loved ones can serve as a point of contact for planning shiva. 

    When is a good time for us to connect?

    If you have any questions, you can reach me at [Your Phone Number] and/or [Your Email Address]. 

    With deep condolences from everyone at Shiva Circle. 

    Warm regards,

    [Your Name & Contact Information] 

  • Subject: Request for Help with Shiva Arrangements

    Dear [Recipient's Name],

    I hope this message finds you well, though I wish it were under different circumstances. As you may know, [Mourner's Name] is sitting shiva following the loss of [Relationship of Deceased to Mourner, e.g., their beloved mother, father, etc.].

    To support [Mourner's Name] during this difficult time, we are seeking assistance from close friends and family. Would you be able to assist with [select specific tasks, e.g., meals, setting up the home, coordinating supplies, clean-up, ensuring there is a minyan, etc] on [specific date/time]? 

    Your help would mean so much to [Mourner's Name] and the family.

    To confirm, please reply to this email or call/text me at [Your Phone Number]. I’ll be happy to provide more details.

    Your kindness and support are truly appreciated.

    Warm regards,

    [Your Name & Contact Information]

  • Subject: Gentle Reminder: Support for [Mourner's Name]

    Dear [Recipient's Name],

    I hope you're doing well. I wanted to follow up on my previous message regarding support for [Mourner's Name] as they sit shiva for [Deceased’s Name].

    We are still in need of assistance with [specific tasks, e.g., meals, setup, coordinating supplies, ensuring a minyan] on [specific date/time]. If you're available to help, it would mean so much to [Mourner's Name] and their family during this difficult time.

    Please let me know if you’re able to assist by replying to this email or reaching out to me at [Your Phone Number]. Your kindness and support are deeply appreciated.

    Warm regards,

    [Your Name]

  • This message can be sent as a text or email to a mourner, approximately one month after the death. You can also adapt it to check in during holidays or significant anniversaries for the mourner:  

    Thinking of you as the shloshim, the end of the first month of grief, approaches. This time can bring up many emotions, and I want you to know you’re not alone. If you'd like to talk, share memories, or simply sit together in reflection, I’m here for you. 

Resources for Getting Started:

Implementation Workbook
Flyer for Printing
Conversation Starters
Post-Shiva Feedback Form

Other Frequently Accessed Resources:

Shiva Planning Checklist
Supporting Mourners After Shiva
Printable Doorsigns
Shiva Traditions Explainer
Tips for Online Gatherings

Further Reading:

"Lessons I Have Learned," Phyllis R. Silverman, PhD
Traumatic Death Guides
Source Sheet from Training

FAQs

  • When a mourner reaches out to us directly, we will contact the network of Shiva Guides to connect them with support.  

    After you've completed a Shiva Guide training or workshop, let people in your community know you're available to help. In addition to your friends and neighbors, talk with Jewish Family Services, the local funeral home, synagogues and other organizations.  If you have any questions, please contact us at hello@shivacircle.org

  • After each mourner you help, complete this brief feedback form. It helps Shiva Circle to see the impact you're having as a guide, to observe trends and to note common challenges.  If you need to reach a team member urgently, email us at hello@shivacircle.org.

  • You can reach Rebecca Missel, Shiva Circle Consultant, at hello@shivacircle.org or rebecca@shomercollective.org.